Praying for Rain

Hello everyone! I figured it was about time to give you all an update on how things are going and what we are up to. We have been in Guatemala since the 12th and with our host family since the 13th. To be honest it is just in this past week that I am starting to feel like myself again. 

I have been in a place that left me with nothing to say. Not for a lack of words but for a lack of those words holding truth over my life. I was in a spiritual and emotional drought. As you know from my last blog, launch started out kind of hard and in reality it never got much easier. I figured maybe it was just that we had already said our goodbyes but weren’t yet on the field “making a difference.” I told myself I would feel better once we were in Guatemala, guess what I didn’t. I continued to struggle. The rain didn’t come. But the thing is, some struggles are productive. I used to tell my students this and I wholeheartedly believe it: productive struggle produces growth. 

It’s hard to explain all of the things I was feeling, a lot of those feelings were kind of dark and definitely uncomfortable. It was just the beginning of what was supposed to be this grand adventure, one that is supposed to be fun, exciting and bring me closer to god and yet I wasn’t feeling any of those things. I expected to have hard times and I expected to have an adjustment period but I didn’t expect to feel this dry in faith, hope and happiness right away. Whether I expected it or not it was my reality. I continued to ask myself and God why he called me to this place. I felt a sense of imposter syndrome, how could I possibly encourage people in their faith when I wasn’t even sure what was happening in my own. In the same breath I would both question God’s presence in my life and my worthiness to serve him. Those two fears completely contradict each other and yet I was still somehow fearing both. Fear and sadness was pretty much the theme of my days, it was not super fun. I spent time in the word, listening to worship music, talking to my team, journaling, and praying. It all seemed to be in vain, until last Wednesday.  Wednesday is our sabbath day, something I am pretty inexperienced at practicing. I spent the first two and half hours of my day journaling, and finally, it rained. Actually, it poured. I started by writing down all of my fears, I thought maybe I could get to the bottom of what was actually bothering me. Then I wrote down everything I had to be grateful for. That list was far longer than the first. Finally I made a list of things I was hopeful about. As I examined my first list and my last I realized that almost every fear I wrote down had a corresponding hope. The hopes I have all come from my faith in God and his goodness. I was suddenly met with peace and one again was reminded what it means to trust God with my whole being. Those fears didn’t suddenly disappear, they just lost their hold on me and hope took their place. When I examined the list of the things I was grateful for I was overcome with joy. I realised at that moment that God hadn’t been ignoring my prayers; he was answering them. 

It has always been a dream of mine to have a big adventure and travel the world. If you know me well you know I always dream big and have a wanderlust heart. I can’t believe just how carefully God has been working to make that dream a reality in my life. Not only do I get to travel the world and experience new cultures, I get to live and love like Jesus while I do. That is my actual job this year, to love people well. I am no longer completely overwhelmed that I don’t get to see my family and friends for 11 months because I am focussing on the absolute incredible people here that are becoming my friends and surrogate family. It doesn’t bother me anymore that I gave up all the comforts of home for the unknown because each day I revel in the beauty that this is a once and a lifetime experience that I am living here and now. I would be lying if I said it didn’t bum me out a little to not be starting a new school year but then I remember and am thankful that I have the rest of my life to impact the lives of my students and this experience will hopefully make me a better teacher for it. 

Now that you know how I have been doing, here’s a little about WHAT I have been doing, or more so what God has been doing. 

Our time here in Guate has been so blessed already. Our Ministry host is Alex and he has the best heart. He loves all people so well. He is passionate about reaching those that feel they might fit in within the church. The outcasts and the rebels are his crowd. He can make any person feel seen and loved, what a gift it has been to witness. Our host family is so incredibly good to us. Luis, his wife Glenda and their two daughters have opened their home and their hearts to us and have made us feel a part of the family. Our translator, Ivana, is the coolest person I know. She fits in with our team so well, she has a heart after Jesus and makes us laugh constantly. 

We spend a lot of time walking the  very hilly streets of Mixco, Guatemala. We spend time with families in their homes, often taking them food. We do our best to make them feel loved, we pray together, laugh together, tears are shed, new friends are made and if there is a baby I am most definitely giving them some snuggles. 

Tomorrow is our first Beauty for Ashes event. Beauty for Ashes is a women’s ministry designed to create a space for women to share their stories, be vulnerable, heal and know they are worthy and loved by God. My team and I are all so excited to put on this event for the women of Mixco. Then on Friday we have a children’s ministry day and I am so looking forward to sharing the love of God with my favorite kind of people.

Honestly my days are filled with joy, laughter and soo soo much love. God answered my prayers better than I ever thought he could. The good was always there, I just had to let go and trust God enough to let hope and my faith in him overcome the fear. You know the saying when it rains, it pours, well last Wednesday it started raining and it hasn’t stopped pouring. In turn I have been able to more freely pour into those around me. 

Once again thank you for your support and for believing in me. All of your kind words and encouragement lift me up when I need it most.